Life, Love, and an Acute Caffeine Dependency
by Queen of Duct Tape
Summary: Hermione and Fred join each other for a cup of coffee, but it quickly turns into something else. Fluff. Also, shampoo fetishes. There. Now you're all very interested.
1. Chapter One

**Life, Love, and an Acute Caffeine Dependency**

By: QDT

Disclaimer: I am the Queen of Duct Tape, not the Queen of Harry Potter.

* * *

**Chapter One**

"Hey, Fred, do you mind opening the shop in the morning tomorrow? Alicia and I are moving in, so I can't do it." George had let himself into the flat above the Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, even though he hadn't lived there since he got married two months ago. Actually, he hadn't really lived there for a few months before that, either, but he wasn't telling his mother that.

"Sure," said Fred, walking out of the kitchen. "What time d'ya normally open up?"

"About seven, but unlock the door a few minutes before that, Hermione usually drops by before her shift starts at Gringott's."

"Am I supposed to be able to remember this at seven o'clock in the morning?"

"I could write it down and tell you to have some coffee ready for her as well, but then you'd probably make some stupid comment about how it seemed I like I were leaving directions for you to watch over a cat."

"You usually have coffee for her?"

"Yeah. Sometimes she brings a mug from some café, but usually she just has some here."

"And you remember this every morning?"

"I, dear brother, am not the one who lost fifty points for falling asleep in Potions at eight."

* * *

_BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. _

Hermione slapped the snooze button before groaning and turning to glare at her alarm clock. Six o'clock. Same as every other morning, but it never got any easier.

She quietly padded from her bedroom to the bathroom without turning on any lights, and started the shower. Emerging from the bathroom twenty minutes later, she began feeling around on the counter for her wand. She never turned on any lights because they were far too bright and caused her to keep her eyes shut anyway, which rendered them obsolete.

Finally finding her wand, she spelled her hair dry and presentable. At least, she thought it was presentable. It usually was, even though she never saw it until about noon. She grabbed her uniform from a hanger and put it on quickly before exiting her flat to buy a bagel from the café across the street from the WWW.

* * *

Fred woke at a quarter after six. He glared at his alarm clock before beginning a morning eerily similar to Hermione's. He climbed into the shower in the dark, and five minutes later he was pulling on a pair of navy robes with their shop logo on it. At six thirty he put on a pot of coffee and left for a few minutes to buy breakfast from the café across the street.

* * *

Not really paying attention to where she was going, Hermione ran straight into someone as she tried to enter the café. 

"Hermione?" a vaguely familiar voice mumbled as though confused. Of course, everything was only vaguely familiar this early in the morning. She squinted at the person in front of her.

"Fred?" she asked.

"Mm-hmm," he said. "Wanna come to the flat and have some coffee? I think I may have something to eat."

"Sure," said Hermione. "Where's George?" She was quite proud of this last question. It indicated that she was capable of thought processes advanced enough to tell her who she usually talked to this early in the morning. In truth, however, the only real hint that she could remember was that she was usually talking to someone who was actually awake, as opposed to both herself and, it seemed, Fred.

"He's…uh…moving? Yeah. He and Alicia are moving into their new house today." Fred thought himself quite accomplished to come up with such an informed answer at this hour.

Hermione nodded, sort of remembering George telling her something of the sort the day before. Then she yawned. This caused Fred to yawn too. He almost dropped the keys as he attempted to put one (probably the wrong one) in the lock, but Hermione caught them and handed them back.

"Thanks," he said, opening the door. He led Hermione into the backroom where there was a set of stairs. "After you," he said, bowing, although the effect was slightly ruined as he yawned again. Hermione also yawned again, but she smiled at him anyway as she walked up the stairs into a nice looking living room. She looked around the neat room skeptically.

"You live here all by yourself?" she asked. Fred grinned.

"Yep," he said. "I have coffee in the kitchen."

"Lead me to the caffeine," said Hermione, yawning once again. And again, Fred yawned as well.

Upon reaching the kitchen, they noticed that the coffeepot had overflowed in Fred's absence. Fred made a very wise observation on this happening.

"Shit," he said.

"Oh, my," said Hermione. "Where do you keep dishtowels?"

"In that drawer under the coffeepot."

"The one that is drenched in steaming hot liquid that will probably burn us before we get it open?"

"Yep."

"Lovely." Hermione thought about this. The solution may seem fairly obvious to you, dear reader, but I am assuming that you are not reading this at six forty-five a.m. It took Hermione a minute or so to come up with a plan.

"Could you get a regular towel?"

"Mm-hm," said Fred, walking out of the kitchen. Several seconds later, he walked back in, carrying a towel. Hermione took it from him and used it to pick up the coffeepot.

Fred was slightly confused by this. "Shouldn't you be mopping up the mess with that?" he asked.

"Do you want coffee or not? We can clean that up when we're awake." Fred walked over to a cabinet and pulled out two mugs, setting them on the table. Hermione poured them both coffee, and they sat at the table in silence until they woke up properly.

* * *

**So that's it for the first chapter. Review and I'll return the favor!**

**Until next time!**

**Ab**


	2. Chapter Two

**Life, Love, and an Acute Caffeine Dependency**

By: QDT

Disclaimer: I am the Queen of Duct Tape, not the Queen of Harry Potter.

* * *

**Chapter Two**

Being intelligent people (and being slightly more awake), Hermione and Fred eventually cleaned up the coffee with magic. This is, obviously, the obvious solution, but let me assure you that nothing is obvious without coffee. If, perhaps, you find yourself unable to comprehend how it is impossible to function in the morning, go read something else.

* * *

Later that day (during her lunch break, actually), Hermione was at Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor when someone called her name. From less than two feet behind her. 

"HERMIONE!" Hermione jumped, dropping her empty plastic bowl, which clattered a bit and finally fell off the table. She turned around to see a grinning George being pulled toward her by Alicia.

"Hello," Alicia said, sitting down and pulling George down beside her.

"Hello," Hermione replied. "Aren't you guys supposed to be moving?"

"We need to _eat_," George informed her, taking a huge bite out of the hitherto unmentioned ice cream he had been carrying. It was gone in less than a minute. Both females raised their eyebrows.

"How did Molly manage to feed all of you, anyway?" Alicia wondered aloud, as George stole a bite from her ice cream as well.

"It's one of the mysteries of the universe," Hermione told her. Alicia nodded as George polished off her ice cream.

"I'm not throwing that away," she told George, then turned to Hermione. "By the way, would you mind helping us move tonight after you got off? We're going to need a few extra wands for some of the bigger furniture.

"Sure," said Hermione. "When do you want me to be over there?"

"When do you get off?"

"Four thirty."

"Well, we told everyone else five, but if you can't make it by then, that's fine." Hermione shook her head.

"Five should be fine, as long as the shift after me isn't late."

"Great!" Alicia grinned at her. "See you then!"

Hermione smiled back and glanced at her watch. She then jumped up and threw her plastic container away, calling over her shoulder, "I've got to get back to work!"

As she left, she watched Alicia and George start to flirt like teenagers. Of course, this was understandable, as George was unlikely to mature past the age of sixteen. He certainly hadn't shown any signs of it yet.

* * *

That afternoon, Fred was at the WWW. Alicia and George had stopped by to ask him to help them move some of the larger furniture. Alicia had mentioned that Hermione was coming too. Restocking a shelf of Skiving Snackboxes, Fred wondered if Hermione even knew where George and Alicia's new house was. He soon put the thought from his mind, figuring that Alicia was far more sensible than either of the twins and would surely have given her directions.

* * *

As it turned out, Hermione had not the slightest idea where their house was, as she realized when her shift started again. For a moment, she frowned, and then her face cleared as she decided to simply pay a visit to Fred before she went home, because he would surely be able to direct her to his twin's house.

* * *

"Hello, Fred," she greeted the redhead at the counter as she walked in. Fred waved and finished checking out a customer before turning to Hermione. 

"So, what brings the lovely lady to my humble shop for the second time in one day?" he asked, grinning at her. She smiled back.

"I need directions to George and Alicia's house," she told him.

"Ah," he said. He glanced at the clock. "Why don't you come back in fifteen minutes and I'll take you there myself?"

"Sure," she said. "See you in a few." Then she left, trying to ignore the funny flippy feeling in her stomach when Fred grinned and waved.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later she was back, dressed in casual clothes and her damp hair was pulled back into a ponytail. 

"After you," said Fred, motioning towards the door. Hermione started to leave, but felt something tugging on her hair and stopped in the middle of the doorway.

"What are you doing?"

"Playing with your hair. See, this curl goes boing…boing…boing…"

"Ah," said Hermione. She started walking again. "It's within walking distance?"

"Yep. Five minutes, tops. Can I take your hair out of the ponytail?"

"Why?"

"I want to braid it."

"You can braid hair?"

"Oh ye of little faith…Ginny taught me. On your cat."

"You _braided _Crookshanks' fur!" Hermione stopped again.

"Yes. At this rate we'll be lucky to get there by six thirty, never mind five o'clock." Hermione stared walking again. "So, can I?"

She sighed. "Fine."

"Great!" Walking along the road, Hermione reflected on how nice it was for someone else to do your hair for once. (Try it sometime. It does wonders for stress.)

* * *

By the time they arrived, everyone else was already there and Fred was just finishing Hermione's braid, which actually didn't look half bad. Actually, not everyone was there. George and Alicia, oddly, were nowhere to be seen, but some furniture was still out on the lawn anyway.

* * *

Five minutes later (and four minutes late) the two came dashing out the door, both looking very disheveled and wearing identical guilty expressions. The state of their clothes (and faces) made it obvious that they had been snogging, causing Fred and Lee Jordan to burst into laughter. Although, everyone else (being Katie Bell, Angelina Johnson, Oliver Wood, and, of course, Hermione) was laughing too, but Fred and Lee were the only ones rolling around on the grass. 

Eventually they managed to get themselves under control once more, and it was the work of ten minutes to get the rest of the furniture in its proper place. This was largely due to the help of Hermione's skills with a wand, and the others, who had never been in any of her classes and thus had no experience with her abilities outside of battle strategy, watched in awe most of the time. After they were done, however, George slung his arm around Hermione's shoulders and commented,

"You know, if you had just told us that you could do it all by yourself, then you could have saved us a bunch of trouble by not having to invite everyone." Hermione just rolled her eyes.

"He's right, you know," said Katie. Then, she was suddenly struck by what was, Hermione's standards, a very bad idea. "Let's all take you out for a drink to thank you." The older woman grinned at her.

"I don't think-" Hermione started, but Fred cut her off.

"Nonsense," he said. "It'll be fun." Deciding it was best not to let her argue, he gripped her arm gently and before she had a chance to protest, apparated to the Leaky Cauldron, pulling her along with him.

* * *

**So that's chapter two. Terribly sorry it was up so late. I hope you enjoyed it and I hope you review!**

**Until next time, **

**Ab**


	3. Chapter Three

**Life, Love, and an Acute Caffeine Dependency**

By: QDT

Disclaimer: I am the Queen of Duct Tape, not the Queen of Harry Potter.

**Chapter Three**

"Fred!" Hermione shouted, appearing at the bar in the Three Broomsticks.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"You can't just apparate people places without telling them where they're going!"

"Why not? Katie said we'd all buy you a drink."

"But-"

"You could come home with me, babe, if he ain't pleasing you," an obviously drunk man sitting at a stool slurred, grinning at Hermione in a way he clearly thought was attractive. Fred glared at him, wrapping a possessive arm around her waist.

"Hands off," he said. Hermione considered telling Fred that she wasn't his, but decided she'd prefer Fred's arm around her waist to the drunk guy's tongue down her throat. Soon afterward it wouldn't have mattered what Hermione could have done because Fred pulled her off to the dance floor, thus rendering her incapable of doing whatever she could have done in said situation. But now she had to dance.

"Fred, why are we on the dance floor?"

"Because we're dancing. Just do something spontaneous for once. Dancing with me may possibly scar you mentally for years to come, but I assure you that I am a good enough dancer that you won't be physically harmed." That being said, Fred pulled her closer and mentally thanked the DJ for playing a slow song because her hair smelled good. Although, in Fred's mind, everyone's hair smelled good. He had an odd fetish for scented shampoo, and recognized hers as a lovely citrus and vanilla scent. An odd combination, but it worked.

It was at this time that the others arrived, having had to apparate to multiple bars and pubs before finding the right one. It was, even with George, slightly difficult to tell just where exactly Fred would disappear to at any given moment. George didn't even know half the time where he was going to disappear to, so it was quite likely that Fred was just as surprised as Hermione was when they arrived at the Three Broomsticks as opposed to, say, the Leaky Cauldron.

"What's Fred doing?" Angelina asked, sliding into a large booth, which might possibly fit all of them, but it was unlikely.

"Sniffing Hermione's hair," Lee said as he slid in beside her.

"It's a weird thing he does," said George. "He'll probably mention the next time she changes shampoo scents in casual conversation." He pulled Alicia down into the booth next to him. (The booth was one of those odd curvy and connected ones that seats a lot of people in a corner or something. They were discovered quite by accident some hundred years ago by an inebriated man who lost control of his wand.)

Katie was not paying any attention to the author's clever monologue involving booths, but was instead gazing at Fred and Hermione, who were, incidentally, still on the dance floor. "Oh, to be young and in love!" she cried, sighing dramatically and pretending to wipe a away a tear. With her left hand, which, oddly enough, had a diamond ring on what could be considered a very significant finger.

"That is to say you aren't?" Oliver, her fiancé, raised an eyebrow. She grinned at him.

"Not a bit," she said, eyes sparkling.

He tried to frown at her, but ended up grinning as he offered a hand. "We may have to remedy that situation, my lady," he said formally.

"I'd be honoured, kind sir," She took the offered hand and let herself be led to the dance floor.

After the couple left, Angelina turned to the others. "So, do you think they are?"

"Think who are what?" asked Lee.

"Fred and Hermione in love, idiot," said Alicia.

"I resent that comment."

"Quit lying to yourself, mate," George said. "It'll only end in tears."

Alicia ignored them, studying Fred and Hermione critically. "It's hard to say," she told Angelina.

Angelina grinned. "But it has possibilities, no?"

"No. No no no no no. I refuse to be a part of yet another one of your ridiculous matchmaking schemes." Alicia looked horrified. "Do you remember how the last one turned out?"

"The last one was Katie and Oliver, and they, in case you hadn't noticed, are engaged."

"No thanks to you!"

"They said 'thank you,' I'll have you know."

"That was for saying congratulations and wishing them good luck. You're lucky they don't know it's your fault that they were locked in that broom closet for forty-eight hours."

"It was only forty-seven hours."

"And this makes a difference how?"

Angelina was about to reply, but it was at this point that the song ended and Katie, Oliver, Hermione, and Fred headed back to the table. Katie and Oliver, being closer, got there first and sat down. And the booth, while large and spacious, was able to comfortably seat six people, and seven was a bit cramped, but eight was impossible. Noticing this, Hermione made a move to grab a chair from a nearby table, but Fred sat down and pulled her into his lap. Without asking. He was doing a lot of things tonight without asking, and Hermione was quite sure that if he were anyone else she would be furious, but found that what little anger she harbored disappeared when he smiled at her.

**Okay. That's it for now. It was going to be longer, but then there wasn't a stopping point, so this is it. Enjoy, and please review!**

**Yours sincerely,**

**Ab**


	4. Chapter Four

**Life, Love, and an Acute Caffeine Dependency**

By: QDT

Disclaimer: I am the Queen of Duct Tape, not the Queen of Harry Potter.

**Chapter Four**

True to their words, everyone bought Hermione a drink. Oliver and Katie both bought her two, as Fred spotted her discreetly vanishing bits of the firewhiskey as she pretended to drink. This, thought Fred, wouldn't do. He grasped the bottle and pulled away from Hermione, then poured a substantial amount into her mouth. Involuntarily, she swallowed.

"It burns!"

"You hadn't noticed that yet?" asked Lee, laughing uproariously at her expression. "You already drank a full bottle!"

"I am afraid, dear friends," began Fred dramatically, "that our lovely Hermione has been vanishing her liquor as opposed to drinking it." He bowed his head as though ashamed.

"No!" cried George. "Say it isn't so!" He placed a hand on his heart and sighed just as dramatically as Fred.

"Well," said Angelina, ignoring the twins for the sake of practicality. "If you don't like firewhiskey, try this." She pushed over a glass of something green and frothy. It was smoking, but in Hermione's hand the glass was cold. She eyed it dubiously, but eventually took a drink when Fred motioned to take the glass again.

"It's good!" she said, surprise evident. "What is it?"

"Goblin-made rum," Alicia told her.

"At least, that's what they say it is," added Katie. "It doesn't much look like rum, but it's certainly better than firewhiskey."

"It has a lower alcohol content," said George eyeing it in disdain.

"Like you could hold much of it," retorted Oliver.

Three hours later, they were all thoroughly smashed. At least, Hermione thought they were. It was sort of hard to tell in her own inebriated state. Katie and Oliver had left fifteen minutes before, and from the way they had been acting, it was quite likely that they were doing things that were supposed to wait until after the wedding. Oddly, this didn't shock Hermione nearly as much as it would have had she been sober. Of course, had she been sober, she probably wouldn't be dancing on the table with Fred, either.

Oh, that wasn't mentioned yet? In any case, they were dancing on top of the table. Without shoes. Hermione couldn't be bothered to remember when she had taken hers off—or had Fred taken them off?—or where they were now. Also, Madame Rosmerta was trying to persuade them to please get off the table and leave her bar. They were attracting a crowd. Hermione, even when drunk, was a rather sensible person. She pointed out that the crowd was ordering drinks and the bar was making a profit off the two of them, so she didn't see why Rosmerta was so upset about what was clearly a mutually beneficial business deal.

In response, Madame Rosmerta levitated them out of the building and into the street. They landed in a large puddle. Still barefoot.

The next thing Hermione remembered, she was waking up in an unfamiliar bed. Surprisingly, she was rather well-rested and alert, aside from a terrible hangover. She might have wondered at this fact, but her head hurt too badly and at that moment Fred walked into the room, carrying a glass of some disgusting-looking liquid. She groaned.

"Hangover potion," he informed her, looking entirely too pleased. "I take it you've never needed one before?"

Hermione tried to glare at him, but it made her head pound, so she rolled over and buried her head in the pillow. Several seconds later, she felt the bed fluctuate with added weight, and then Fred was tickling her. She shrieked and sort of laughed, but had to grab her head. At any rate, she sat up long enough for him to pour the potion down her throat. Almost instantaneously, her head stopped pounding and the light dulled a bit so she didn't have to squint.

"Where am I?" she asked, glaring at Fred for good measure.

"On my bed," he told her. She stopped glaring in order to look shocked. "I slept on the couch."

"Er…thanks."

"C'mon!" he said, not standing up so much as leaping. "Let's get breakfast!" She tried to protest, but found herself being propelled out of the room anyway.

Hermione was being pulled down the stairs when she finally managed to a get a word in. "Dressed like this?" she said, gesturing at her rumpled clothing from the night before.

"Yes," he said, pulling her out into the alleyway. While he was busy locking the door, she placed a quick refreshing charm on herself so it wasn't quite so obvious she had slept in her clothes. The charm, however, did nothing for her hair, which really wasn't surprising because spells had never worked on her hair.

"Hm," said Fred, noticing this. "That won't do. People will think you've just been shagged senseless."

"_What_!"

"Turn around," he said, and pushed her forward when she did so. He then began to braid her hair again.

"How often do you do others' hair, anyway?" she asked, stopping.

"We went over this last night, Hermione; keep moving. You know where the café is. Not very."

"So why are you braiding mine for the second time in as many days?"

"Because I like your hair. And you really did look like you'd just been shagged senseless."

Hermione blinked and looked slightly uncomfortable with this statement, but decided not to say anything because Fred would doubtless suggest something rather naughty. And waggle his eyebrows. Stupid man.

It did not take long at all to get to the café, and Fred finished with Hermione's hair just as they were walking in the door. Both of them were too hungry to say much while eating, and then Fred picked up the bill.

"You bought me drinks last night," said Hermione. "I'll pay for breakfast."

Fred looked at her. "Do you have your checkbook on you?"

Hermione thought for a minute, and then realized that she had not expected to need money when she had originally left her flat to help George and Alicia move, and realized she did not. She shook her head, embarrassed.

"Then I'm paying," said Fred, laying more sickles on the table than the meal was worth, and then put roughly the same amount into the tip jar on their way out.

"Now, then," he said, grinning, "since it's Saturday and neither of us works, you are coming with me."

* * *

**Hm. Feel free to give ideas as to where they're going, because, quite frankly, that line was spur-of-the-moment, and I have no idea. Please review!**

**Until next time,**

**Ab**


	5. Chapter Five

**Life, Love, and an Acute Caffeine Dependency**

By: QDT

Disclaimer: I am the Queen of Duct Tape, not the Queen of Harry Potter.

**Chapter Five**

"Where are we going?" asked Hermione, dragging her feet as Fred tugged her down the street.

"Your flat, for now." Fred didn't glance back until he realized that Hermione had stopped several yards previously. "Come on."

"You don't know where my flat is," Hermione pointed out. "It's that way." She pointed behind her.

"Oh," said Fred sheepishly.

"Yeah." Hermione rolled her eyes and turned around, suppressing a smile.

Upon reaching Hermione's flat, Fred walked in first and began walking down the hall, as if he somehow knew where he was going.

"Uh, Fred? What are you doing?"

"Giving myself a tour."

"Ah." Hermione paused. "Why are we here, anyway?"

"Reason one," said Fred, walking into her kitchen, "is for me to learn where you live so I can come bother you whenever I want. Reason two is because you need to change into appropriate clothing for where we're going."

"And where, exactly, might that be?"

"Uh-uh. Not telling. Wear an old t-shirt and jeans, and you might want a sweatshirt."

"In the summer?"

"Yes, in the summer. Just bring one. And old tennis shoes. And knee pads, if you have any."

"Knee pads?"

"Do you have any?"

"I don't think so."

"Then you can borrow some."

"Why?"

"Because you don't have any."

"No, why do we need knee pads?"

"I'm not telling, remember? Just go change." He pushed her in the direction of her bedroom, which he had found earlier on his self-guided tour.

Five minutes later, Hermione was wearing old clothing and her hair had been removed from the braid and pulled into a loose ponytail.

"Good. Let's go," said Fred, heading out the door and several feet realized that, once again, Hermione had stopped for some reason.

"What are you doing?" he asked before he turned around.

"Locking the door," Hermione replied.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Seeing she had finished with the door, Fred started walking again. "This way," he said cheerfully.

"_Now_ where are we going?"

"To my car."

"You have a car?"

"Hermione. I am a successful businessman. Of course I have a car."

"So? You're a wizard."

"Whose father happens to be completely obsessed with everything muggle."

"Still. Where are we going?"

"You'll see it when we get there."

* * *

Where they were going ended up being, eventually, spelunking.

For those of you, dear readers, who do not know what spelunking is, let us just say that it is caving. Caving, as I am sure you know, is a delightful activity that involves walking, occasionally crawling or rolling, through an underground tunnel that exists as a haven for all sorts of fun and entertaining creatures with little or no eyesight. The cave is usually slightly damp and contains and underground river, which you will sometimes fall into and get completely soaked. I resume:

They ended up going spelunking.

Hermione is about as big on physical activity as any normal person, which is to say she will work up a sweat with no scruples in the comfort of a gym or park of some kind, but is a tad reluctant to go slogging through an underground path that is home to several species of unidentified mold.

"Fred," she said. "What are we doing here?"

"We're going spelunking," he told her, grinning broadly and incorrectly assuming that everyone else in the world is just as he eager as he is to engage in odd activities for no apparent reason.

"Spelunking."

"Yeah, we go into that cave there and basically —"

"I know what spelunking is!"

"Okay." He opened the trunk of his car and tossed her a helmet, knee pads, and several flashlights. "You might want these."

"If I had any intention of stepping foot inside that cave, I would want these."

"C'mon, Hermione, it's fun! You'll be thanking me later."

"When I'm covered in gunk and will require five showers to smell like myself again."

"No, in five minutes. It's not far." And Fred began walking toward the cave, and Hermione had no choice but to follow since she did have the keys and could thus not drive away and find some place civilized to go.

About ten feet into the cave, Fred stopped. "Down here," he said.

"Down whe —" She caught sight of the hole in the ground. "No," she said. "Not down there."

"Yes down there," he said, and then picked her up and set her down in the hole.

"What? Fred, NO! Don't — put me down!" But alas, Hermione's valiant efforts to escape were of no avail.

Fred jumped down after her. "Follow me," he said, starting off down a tunnel to their right. Said tunnel soon became said crawl space, and Fred and Hermione were forced to roll or army crawl for a while, Hermione protesting every step of the way.

"Fred, what are we doing? It's getting loud up ahead, and it's probably not a brilliant idea to end up by some swift river that we'll fall into and drown. If I drown, you had better pay for flowers at my funeral, and —"

"Would you prefer roses or carnations?"

"What?"

"At your funeral. Would you rather me bring roses or carnations?"

"Carnations," she said, slightly put off. "Red ones. And when I die, I'm going to come back as a ghost, and I'm going to spend the rest of my afterlife haunting you, because it'll be your fault that I died, and then — oh, my."

The crawl space/tunnel opened onto a ledge and Fred jumped down and offered Hermione a hand.

"Coming?" he asked.

**I'm so mean. You have to wait for the next chapter to see what it opens up to! I have planned ahead that far, so it won't be such a long wait this time. Feedback is love!**

**Until next time,**

**Ab**


	6. Chapter Six

**Life, Love, and an Acute Caffeine Dependency**

By: QDT

Disclaimer: I am the Queen of Duct Tape, not the Queen of Harry Potter.

**Chapter Six**

Hermione didn't bother to answer as she took Fred's hand and let him help her onto the ledge. Their ledge was quite close to the bottom of a large, underground waterfall that ended in a swift, fast, and very likely deep river.

"Fred," she breathed. "It's _gorgeous_."

"Well…yes," said Fred awkwardly. "But it's nothing special."

Hermione looked at him. Actually, it was rather more that she stared at him, and it was kind of unnerving.

"What?" asked Fred. "Do I have something on my nose?" He crossed his eyes in an attempt to examine his nose.

"Actually," said Hermione, "I wasn't going to say anything, but…" They grinned. "Seriously, though," she said. "It _is_ something special. How many people do you suppose have bothered to come down here in the past year? How many people do you think have _ever_ been here, have ever seen this?"

"I really wouldn't have the faintest idea," Fred informed her. "Not many, though, I reckon. You have to know the way."

"That's it, though," said Hermione. "It takes time and effort to get down here, and if they knew it was here, I think most people wouldn't think it's worth it."

"Is it, then?"

"Is it worth it?" asked Hermione. Fred nodded. "I think so, yes." She nodded back at him. "Thanks for bringing me to see this."

"You're welcome," said Fred, "but there's more."

"More what?" asked Hermione blankly.

"More to see," replied Fred. "Come on." And he jumped down onto another ledge, offering his hand again.

Hermione followed him onto several more ledges before they were faced with a fairly sizeable jump onto one last ledge that led into a tunnel. "Fred," she said with a hint of trepidation. "Where are we going?" Because if they were, perchance, to miss the ledge on the other side, they would land in the river that lay at the bottom of the waterfall, but only after a fall of no little height.

"We're going to jump across here and follow that tunnel," Fred said as though falling had never crossed his mind. "I'll go first," he said, looking her straight in the eyes, "and if you don't make it all the way, I'll catch you. But you have to trust me."

Not breaking eye contact, Hermione nodded.

"Good." Fred grinned lopsidedly, ending the serious mood. He stepped back a bit before launching himself across the distance.

For a terrible second Hermione thought he wasn't going to make it. But then he was standing on the other side, smiling back at her. She let out a breath she hadn't been aware she was holding.

"Your turn, Hermione," Fred called to her.

"Right," she muttered, glancing at the river. She stepped back from the edge, then jumped before she could think too much about it and lose her nerve.

For another terrible second, Hermione was sure she was going to plunge to her death, but then Fred's arms were around her, reassuringly strong, as he hauled her onto the ledge with him.

"You okay?" asked Fred as she took a deep breath. Hermione made a squeaking noise. "Right," said Fred. "We'll just stand here for a bit, shall we?" Hermione nodded into his shirt.

"Okay," said Hermione, taking a step back and standing up straight. "We can go now."

"Good to know." Fred grabbed her hand and started down the tunnel, which was quite large enough to walk in for a long time.

As they walked along, Hermione began to notice a muted roaring noise that steadily got louder. "Fred?" she said.

"What?"

"_Now_ where are we going?"

"You're awfully impatient," Fred told her.

"That's fine. Just where are we going?"

"You'll see."

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Quite a lot, actually," said Fred, turning around to face her. "Almost there."

"It's really loud," Hermione commented.

"Yes."

"Is there a reason for this?"

"Yes."

"What is it?"

"Turn around," said Fred by way of an answer.

"Why?"

"Just do it."

Hermione turned around and had opened her mouth to ask another question when Fred put his hands on her hips and hoisted her up. "Grab the ledge and climb up," he told her. She complied, glad that she hadn't had to try and climb up on her own, but wondered how Fred was going to get up after her.

After scrambling to get her feet up, she actually looked in front of her. "Fred!" she exclaimed.

"What?" he asked, using the walls to climb up after her.

"Are we…are we _behind_ the waterfall?"

"No," said Fred cheekily. "There just happens to be several tons of water falling down here. I suspect it should stop in a moment." Hermione pretended to punch him and he rubbed his shoulder and made a face at her before grinning again. Then, his stomach rumbled.

"Hungry?" asked Hermione.

"Yeah," he said ruefully. "Let's go get some lunch." He led the way out, in a different direction from where they came in.

"Uh…didn't we get here from that hole in the ground?"

"Yes."

"Then where are we going now?"

"It's easier to get out this way," said Fred. He led her toward a tunnel that sloped gently downwards. Shortly afterwards they were in a large cavern and Fred sat down on a relatively rock. "Let's stop here for a minute," he said, having noticed that Hermione was having trouble keeping up. It was obvious that she wasn't used to trudging through caves with only a bagel in her stomach.

"Excellent," said Hermione, sitting down on another rock. Once they had each caught their breath, Fred stood up again.

"Let's go," he said, offering his hand to Hermione. Again. She took it and tried to lever herself up, but her foot was caught on something.

"Hang on," she said, bending down to fix it. She tugged on her foot, and set a very large rock loose from the wall. There was a rumbling noise, and Fred tried to pull her out of the way, but soon a massive pile of rocks was on her ankle. She sucked in a breath and made a squeaking noise quite similar to the one she had emitted after jumping over the river.

**And now you get to stew about how the hell they're going to get themselves out of **_**this**_** one while I go on vacation for week. **

**Special thanks to GryffindorwithFredandGeorge for making me update this thing. If you're curious, she's threatened to sic Voldemort on me if I don't update. Also, I will have you know that he's on my doorstep right now, and if he so much as ruins my doorbell, you, Sam, are paying for it, because I've updated now, and it is NOT my fault. **

**Thank you all for reading, and please take the time to drop me a review!**

**Until next time,**

**Ab**


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